By Mélanie (from Keeping it Simple, June 24/09)
Today’s post is going to be rather different then you’d normally find on my blog… I’m taking part in the BTG synchroblog along with over 50 other bloggers… check out the BTG blog to see the full list and read posts from many different perspectives on how we can “bridge the gap”.
A few months ago, our small group from church worked through the pilot study called “Bridging the Gap: Conversations on befriending our gay neighbours” (The executive producer being Wendy Gritter who wrote in the June/July issue of our Deeper Newsletter). I must say with all honesty that going in, I was a bit reluctant, not quite sure of what I was getting into… particularly feeling responsible for having brought a co-worker and friend to the group, unsure of how the topic would be broached…
My attitude changed quickly as I looked over the DVD cover and saw the names of some of the speakers involved… Tony Campolo, Bruxy Cavey, Greg Paul… And I liked the approach they were proposing: this study was not about debating whether homosexuality is right or wrong, rather, we would put all that aside to examine how it is that we as Christians, can love like Jesus, regardless of how different our convictions may be from those around us.
I appreciated the fact that different points of view were represented… There were those who believed that despite being gay, God wanted them to remain celibate, while others believed that God blessed gay marriage but not promiscuity… it’s quite the hot topic when faith and sexuality collide… Listening to those sharing their thoughts on the DVD, one could not deny that each person loved God and was dedicated to following Christ, though somehow, they had arrived to different conclusions in their study of the same Bible.
Now this is where many of us Christians might struggle… but as Bruxy challenged us, instead of jumping to conclusions and questioning how people come to hold their convictions, we should give all the benefit of the doubt and get to know them instead of labelling, stereotyping and judging… It’s really about individuals, and should not be about an “issue” which dictates an automatic response to every gay person that crosses our path…
I truly feel that the BTG study should be done by so many more as it challenges those of us who are Christians to truly reach out like Jesus did, beyond our comfortable “Christian bubbles”. And this in no way means that you need to compromise your own convictions, it’s more about examining your responses to others.
The beauty of this study is that it extends well beyond how we interact with the gay people in our lives. It is really about how we can love through deep disagreements, whatever those may be, when it otherwise would be easier to cut people off instead of working through it, accepting that in the end, we may still arrive to different conclusions.
Though I’ve heard these two words get confused, I do believe that there is a clear difference between tolerance and acceptance. Tolerance has no love. It’s cold, indifferent and says: “You stay over there and do your thing, and I’ll stay over here and do mine… just don’t bug me and we’ll be fine…” Whereas acceptance says: “I love you, care about you, and want you to be a part of my life.” Acceptance doesn’t mean that you need to be like-minded – no two people are completely – so there must be room to disagree and still accept, love and respect one another.
Speaking as a Christian, I must admit that the church (collectively) traditionally has not been good at tolerating or accepting people in the gay community (or anyone who might have different thoughts then us or appear rough around the edges for that matter)…
I was just reading my Bible in Acts 10 and was reminded of how the apostle Peter was challenged in a vision with the fact that God shows no favouritism. Peter assumed that the message of Jesus was for the Jews alone, but he learned that God had sent Jesus for ALL. I recently read this version of Acts 10:34-35 which I loved:
“Peter fairly exploded with his good news: “It’s God’s own truth, nothing could be plainer: God plays no favorites! It makes no difference who you are or where you’re from – if you want God and are ready to do as he says, the door is open.” (The Message)
Jesus thankfully doesn’t tell us to come to Him when we are perfectly like Him… He’d be left alone… rather, He invites us all to come as we are… Jesus made time for the marginalized and outcasts of the day: the tax collectors, the prostitutes, the lepers… whatever their issues and struggles, He accepted and loved people even when no one else did. If we are to be the body of Christ, His hands and feet, aren’t we to love like Him in order to represent Him well in the world instead of building up more walls and cutting more people off who many not look, dress or believe exactly like us??
So what does loving like Jesus mean? Perhaps less judging, less jumping to conclusions, less making people feel terrible about themselves… and more loving unconditionally, more investing in the lives of others, meeting them where they are, even when it’s not easy… Once someone has come to the place where they have accepted Jesus as their Saviour, then we can trust God to be at work in their lives, through the Holy Spirit just as He is in ours… He’s in the business of changing hearts and lives… and often times, when we’re so stuck on what others need to change in their lives, God is trying to show us what we need to change in our own…
Tony Campolo reminded us of this as he discussed the pat answer so many of us Christians use… “Love the sinner, hate the sin”… But really Jesus taught that we are to examine our own lives first and not always be so quick to point the finger!! None of us have life all figured out… More transparency is good… Why is it that we Christians are often afraid for people (in and outside the church) to see our imperfections? We are all a work in progress!
To wrap things up, I strongly recommend getting friends together to work through the 4 week BTG study. It’s well worth the time… and you can be sure that you will be stretched by it. The study truly broke the ice for our group, taking us from surface level discussions about faith, to real, honest and deep conversations. It has been tough to transition into a new study as most don’t seem to foster such great discussions that get us thinking and talking about various applications in our lives throughout the week!
Visit New Direction for more information or to purchase the BTG study. Also check out who else is blogging in today’s BTG synchroblog and see what perspective they bring to the discussion!
8 comments
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June 24, 2009 at 2:19 pm
Mark Petersen
Mélanie,
Thank you for a beautifully written piece. I particularly love the passage from Acts you quote. All are welcome to take their places as God’s children.
Also, thanks for the review of the DVD series. I agree, I think everyone should take it to examine their own presuppositions and reactions, and to create an environment for conversation on this topic. I also previewed it with a small group, and I was amazed at how the discussion just blossomed as we watched the series.
Mark
June 24, 2009 at 5:05 pm
edwardnortonfan
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It sounds like the “Bridging the Gap” study is a helpful tool for many churches to get people thinking about how to love others in spite of differences.
I just purchased this film awhile back. It’s called “Through My Eyes,” and it contains interviews with several young gay Christians, and it doesn’t debate or pullout bible verses or offer anything like that, it is simply a collection of young people telling their stories about what it’s like to be a Christian and also be gay. I found this movie very helpful (and agenda-free, which is rare when it comes to this issue, on both sides…and I need to stop calling them “sides”). Anyway, if you haven’t heard of it, I thought you might want to check it out. Again thank you for your thoughtful post.
Here’s a link to the film “Through My Eyes”: http://www.throughmyeyesdvd.com/
June 24, 2009 at 6:36 pm
Sarah
Hi there,
Actions will always speak louder than words and through the actions of others many people have come to believe that in order to be accepted and loved we have to be perfect and as a result the church became challenged when responding to be people that might as another blogger wrote, ” have different thoughts then us or appear to be ‘rough around the edges for that matter ” …
I experienced this myself. I appeared ‘rough around the edges’ or you should say Transgendered. It was a source of discomfort for many who would engage in conversation with me and so many chose not to pursue being in relationship with me. By the time I had left this one church I left because there existed more people debating whether or not I was a Christian then those who were willing to be in relationship with me. The irony is that if they would engage in relationship with me they would have seen Christ in me and His work in my life regardless of the obvious differences.
We come to faith each and every one of us at a different place, at a different starting point because each and every one of us is different. There really is diversity within the body of Christ and so to expect a “cookie cutter” kind of Christianity is not realistic. And so it opens the door for many to agree and disagree on certain things.
I’m just now reminded … think about the diversity within the original 12 disciples of Christ! Now how diverse could a group get and just look at the challenges and disputes that went on between the 12. You have a tax collector, a few uneducated fisherman, Peter who always jumped into action before thinking twice about what he’s doing and then getting himself into trouble … ie. walking on water but he did what most of us didn’t do, which is to walk on water. You had the two brothers I believe who fought for position. There was controversy, broken relationship, differences of opinions, and an eray of backgrounds with each of Jesus’ original 12 disciples and it’s there in the bible for us to read about.
So, what did they do? I think they hashed out their differences and in the end came back together with one revelation … they will know we are Christians by our love.
June 24, 2009 at 7:09 pm
Mélanie
Sarah, you sure are getting us thinking about how we react to people who enter the church doors… Do we treat each and everyone with the kind of non-judgemental love that Jesus did? Your story exemplifies how we often times fall short… I’m sorry you’ve had a negative experience in the church. Thank you for sharing.
- Melanie
June 24, 2009 at 7:52 pm
Sarah
I think that because I’ve pressed through and decided to engage within a community not readily wanting to engage with me is what has produced some pretty good fruit. It’s shaped my faith, it’s challenged most if not all of my relationships. And I was committed to leaving that church without hating the church, or the members within that church. I’m challenged to work towards reconciliation and forgiveness. And I’ve come away with a greater understanding of the heart Christ has for the church. And I believe it’s allowed me to see the church the way Jesus see’s the church.
The responsibility isn’t just for the church bridge the gap but also for those of us who have been hurt and misunderstood by folks within the church. When I make forgiveness and reconciliation a priority as a Christ follower I can’t help but to see the church as a broken vessel filled with people that are loved and cherrished by God and what God intends for the church is that we reflect the image of His Son Jesus Christ.
I have yet to experience all of what God has intended for me. The church hasn’t yet either and so we find our common ground… we’re all a work in progress in need of a Savior and in need to be forgiven because we’ve all been led astray and have fallen short.
I didn’t cut myself completely off from that church. I still have friends who attend this church and I’ll be back to visit that church again and there is a respect I have for the church leaders despite some of the challenges, difficulties, and mistakes they’ve made over the years. I’m challenged with the last bit I wrote and it’s been on my mind since I left that church. It was the felt need for me to hash out the differences I have with that church and then to actively learn how to authentically love my brothers and sisters in Christ.
So, a negative is turning into a positive.
June 24, 2009 at 9:31 pm
deepermoments
Again Sarah, thank you for your transparency. It is so true that no one has ever experienced the church exactly as Christ has intended it to be… how could it be when it is filled with broken people saved by grace alone! We definitely are all works in progress and anyone who says otherwise is blind! I pray for your journey of healing and forgiveness, and that you may one day find a chuch community where you can have a more positive experience in which to fellowship and grow.
Blessings,
Melanie
June 24, 2009 at 9:58 pm
Mélanie
Sarah, I was just over at your blog and tried to leave a comment, but an error message pops up and shuts down the window… so I thought you’d get my comment here! It was great to read more of your story. I truly do appreciate your transparency. It seems as though you are truly gaining greater perspective on the various roles we play in bridging the gap. Thanks for your post. (and if you’re not getting comments… it may be due to some sort of error with the site!? So no worries!! I hope that resolves itself soon!!)
- Melanie
September 4, 2009 at 2:12 pm
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